


Dorisi Drabbles

by ChameleonCircuit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Dorisi, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: A collection of Dorisi drabbles previously part of another drabble collection
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Mike Dodds, dorisi - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. “I just want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter tags: angst
> 
> http://sofuckingchuffed.tumblr.com/post/178228380162/i-just-want-you-to-be-happy-even-if-its-not

Sonny watched Alice’s name flash up on Mike’s phone, and jealousy swirled in his stomach, making his skin crawl. Mike didn’t even look at him as he accepted the call, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, back to Sonny.

“Hey, honey,” he cooed, and Sonny’s chest tightened a little.

Unable to listen to another word, unable to watch Mike pretend they hadn’t just woken up together, limbs tangled, after making love the night before—and it was making love, at least to Sonny—he got up, grabbing a change of clothes without really looking, and headed to the bathroom.

Under the scalding water, he let himself feel away from prying eyes. He let the ache he’d been carrying around inside of him since this thing with Mike began fully form, and he was sure it tore his heart in two.

On the surface, he knew Mike cared about him, perhaps even loved him. He’d certainly told him enough times, though Sonny could never bring himself to say it back for fear of laying his heart bare when it would surely be trampled on. But he did love Mike. He was sure of it, could feel it running through his veins, cocooning his heart. He could feel it suffocating him every time Alice was mentioned, every time he heard of how much Mike loved her, whether it be from the man’s own lips or his father’s.

He couldn’t imagine a world in which Alice could possibly love Mike more than he did. How could she, if she wasn’t here, with him? How could she if it was Sonny who was there instead, guiding Mike through the complexities of SVU that he, too, was only fresh on the other side of. How could she when it was Sonny who held him at night while he whispered about how strong Sonny was to do what he did while Mike himself felt like he was drowning under the victim’s pain.

But he knew that wasn’t fair. He knew Alice hadn’t done anything wrong other than get in before Sonny, without even knowing he was a possibility.

He longed to give Mike an ultimatum, longed to make Mike choose, but he was terrified that, if forced, Mike wouldn’t choose him. Mike would choose Alice. In fact, he was almost certain of it.

And if, after everything, he still couldn’t be what Mike wanted, what Mike needed, then perhaps it was time to call it quits.

A sob slipped past his lips, muffled by his hand as he tried to pull himself together. Every piece of him hurt, knowing he should let Mike go. But, if he truly thought about it, being the other person, being the affair in someone else’s relationship hurt, too. More than that, it made him dread Church, his only sanctuary from the darkness in the world, the guilt too much to bear, the confessional looming, judging him for not being sorry enough to truly repent. However things went, he lost, and he cursed himself for ever having allowed himself to give in to temptation.

Dragging himself from the shower, he took a deep, calming breath, sweeping his wet hair to the side as he looked at his reflection. Tired, pale, and sad.

Still, he plastered a smile on as he left the bathroom, heading back to the bedroom.

“I’m sorry,” Mike said instantly, sitting up a little straighter.

“Why?” He sighed, forcing himself to let go of the tension he was holding in his shoulders, forcing his next words to be softer. “She’s your fiancée.”

Something in Mike’s expression twisted, eyes dulling as his lips pulled downward. “I love you.”

His heart swelled in a way that was painful, tearing at the seams, and he felt tears sting his eyes. “But not as much as her.”

Mike licked his lips, likely trying to find the right words. When none came, he reached out for Sonny, and like the coward he was, Sonny went to him, curled up against his side, head resting on Mike’s shoulder.

“Would it mean anything if I told you how sorry I am?”

Sonny shook his head, pressing a chaste kiss to Mike’s shoulder. “I just want you to be happy,” he said, surprised by how much he meant it. “Even if it’s not with me. You deserve it.”

Mike didn’t respond to that, and Sonny was grateful. He could be held a little longer, pretend he wasn’t walking away, just for a little bit longer.


	2. "You're the best I ever had."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter tags: angst, Dodds is dead as per canon
> 
> http://sofuckingchuffed.tumblr.com/post/178886821387/youre-the-best-i-ever-had-dorisi

Sonny’s not sure why Mike showing up at his door has him feeling apprehensive and on edge, but as he lets the door fall shut and Mike turns to smile at him, unease swirls in his stomach.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

It’s not what he meant to say, but the words ring true anyway, and something deep inside of him cracks open as Mike smiles sadly at him. There’s a throbbing pain spreading throughout him, suffocating him, and he can’t quite work out why.

“I had to,” Mike says, voice barely above a whisper as he steps forward to cup Sonny’s cheek. “I had to let you know.”

Sonny closes his eyes and turns his head into Mike’s hand. “Let me know what?”

He’s not sure he wants to know the answer to his question. There’s a screaming inside his head, and suddenly all he can see is red, a sense of urgency building and building until he snaps his eyes back open, and it’s just Mike’s face in front of him, soothing, calm, familiar, and everything else dies down inside of him.

“You’re the best I ever had.” Mike’s voice wavers, and Sonny feels a pang deep in his gut. “I loved you more than you could ever know, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” He asks as tears cloud his vision.

Mike pulls him into a hug, warm and comforting at first. But slowly there’s a hot, sticky wetness spreading at his abdomen, and when he breaks apart, his hand instinctively settling on his stomach, he tastes bile on the back of his throat. Blood; red, sticky, still warm and fresh, coating his hand. He swallows hard, looking across at Mike, whose stomach is slowly oozing.

“You’re bleeding,” he says dumbly, having to swallow down a wave of nausea.

When Sonny looks at his face, Mike looks calm, unbothered by how quickly he seems to be losing blood.

“I’m sorry,” Mike repeats, cupping Sonny’s cheek.

“No,” Sonny whines desperately, reaching out for Mike, but he just grasps at thin air.

Suddenly he’s gasping, lungs burning, surrounded by darkness, hands outstretched towards nothing. It takes him a moment to realize he’s sitting in bed drenched in sweat, not standing in his lounge room with Mike.

A shiver runs through his whole body, and for a moment he thinks he might be sick. But the moment passes, and as Sonny falls back against his pillow, he can’t stop the tears that fall as sobs wrack his body.

“I miss you,” he whimpers to the empty room, desperately hoping Mike can hear him. “I miss you so, so much.”


End file.
